Episode 03: Stress, Anxiety and Our Kids
Our kids are not immune to stress and anxiety. Every day they face pressure from family, friends, school, society and social media. The COVID-19 pandemic — and with it, isolation from friends, disruption to routines and continued uncertainty — is only adding to the anxiety they already feel. In this episode, we delve into this topic with Meghan Welch, PMHNP-BC and Leslie Bensieck, LCSW, or Right Track Medical Group. Listen now below, or anywhere you get your podcasts.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to South of Fine, a podcast from Right Track Medical Group, dedicated to de-stigmatizing mental health in the south through genuine conversation about the challenges that we all face every day. For more information, please visit our website, righttrackmedical.com\SouthofFine. While we hope you enjoy listening to our podcast, please remember that this is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or for the treatment of any mental health condition.
Low:
Hey guys, thanks for coming back for another episode of South of Fine. I am still your host Rhes Low. If you are a parent like me, you've probably spent a lot of time worrying about your kids. And as I've personally come to discover, that worry has been exacerbated by COVID-19. Everything our kids do is affected by a world that is living through a pandemic, especially as we begin to step out again and begin to carry on with our lives. Though most camps for our children were canceled, many activities have started back, but they look a lot different than they did pre-COVID. Kids wear masks and get their temperatures taken before football practice. Gloves are required at art class. There's no mingling before or after rehearsal or practice. Things are just different. Kids and parents have more to remember, new forms to fill. Forms, those are so much fun.
Inevitably, all of this is enhancing anxiety, and like I said, exacerbating those typical worries all parents had before COVID, such as their education or too much idle time, lack of social interaction or too much social interaction. The list goes on and on. According to a Spanish study from Miguel Hernandez University, which looked at the psychological impact of the confinement on children, about 90% of 431 Spanish parents surveyed described emotional and behavioral changes in their kids, including difficulty concentrating, irritability and anxiety.
Okay, guys, in today's episode, I want to look at the ways our current environment is affecting our children and discuss the ways that parents, that we as parents, I always have to include myself. I have four kids and sometimes I forget I have kids. That's on purpose, just kidding. But we do want to look at ways that we, as parents can help our kids. There's a lot of stuff going on right now.
Our guests are Meghan Welch, a nurse practitioner with Right Track Medical and Leslie Bensieck, a therapist with a Right Track Medical in Tupelo, Mississippi. Welcome, guys.
Meghan Welch, PMHNP-BC, Nurse Practitioner, Right Track Medical Group:
Hey.
Leslie Bensieck, LCSW, Therapist, Right Track Medical Group:
Thank you.
Low:
All right. So, through all the technical issues, you guys have bear with me. I'm very appreciative of you being here and your patience, which is what it takes to deal with children, as we all know. Just to kind of start us off, how have you seen children and teens reacting to this pandemic and everything that's going on right now? Meghan, could you kick us off?
Welch:
Sure. I've seen a significant increase in stress, worry, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and depression in children and teens, alike. Change is anxiety provoking. A sudden change is extremely anxiety provoking. The fear of the unknown is scary for me, for you, especially for our children. So the increase in these feelings come to no surprise to me.
Low:
Great. Anything to add, Leslie?
Bensieck:
No, I think she's definitely right. The only other thing that I think is kind of contributing to a lot of this is a lot of the things that they lost. This happened at a big time of the year where we've got graduations, we've got dances, we've got vacations. So, a lot of kids are missing out on things that they would normally be able to enjoy. That's just kind of contributed to some issues that they've had.
Low:
Absolutely. So, what are some potential... I've pondered this myself without — as everyone knows because I mention it every single episode, I'm not a mental health professional — but we as parents, we ponder this, we pondered the long-term effects of this pandemic on our children's health and more specifically their psychological development. Any thoughts on that, guys? Leslie, why don't you start this one.
Bensieck:
Well, the biggest thing is kids, just like everybody else, they need to know a little bit about what's going on. I'm not necessarily saying that you've got to over inform them, but I do think education is power. So if you let them know what is going on and what they can do to handle the situation better or how you're going to go into the situation, then I think that's helpful for the kids, because then they feel like that they're more empowered to handle things more efficiently and effectively.
Low:
It's a hard line to walk though, isn't it?
Bensieck:
It really is. It really is because we don't want to create more fear by telling them too much. But if you don't tell them anything, then that creates more panic.
Low:
Right, which is kind of how a lot of us grew up. Our parents didn't tell us anything. I'm so glad that because, I guess, due to mental health professionals, that is changing. We're understanding that communication is key. Are there any signs that parents should be aware of that would clue them in to this stress or anxiety that kids are experiencing?
Welch:
Yes. Parents should know that everyone reacts differently to stress, but parents know their children better than anyone else. I would say that if they're more withdrawn than usual, more upset than usual, more clingy than usual, having more complaints like of pain, discomfort, their stomach hurting, if their eating or sleeping habits change drastically, then that means that there could be experiencing anxiety or even depression.
Low:
That makes a lot of sense.
Bensieck:
Because some of those somatic complaints are things that a lot of times, as parents, we look over. We see those somatic complaints and think, ‘Oh, okay, they're getting sick or they're getting stomach virus.’ When, in all actuality, it could just actually be a sign of anxiety.
Welch:
Right, I don't think a lot of parents think about that. I have three children, so I'm not going to freak out over every stomachache.
Low:
Right. Especially with the third or fourth, you freak out way less. But they're a lot stronger for it, I guess, huh?
Welch:
That's right.
Low:
Okay. So, as we loosen guidelines and kids begin to step back out, as they have, is there a chance that children may be anxious about going out into the world now? And how can parents talk to them about these concerns?
Bensieck:
Oh, absolutely. We've kept them in for so long. Once we would do reenter into society, of course they're going to have a little bit of anxiety of what to do. As a parent, one of the things that we can do is again, empower our kids and educate our kids on things that we have control of. Meaning wearing face masks if you're in a setting to where that is an option, proper hand washing, trying to maintain that six-foot distance from one another. The other thing again, is teaching them about warning signs that we're looking for. Meaning we're checking our temps before we leave the house, and if we have any temperature, then we're not going anywhere. A lot of places that we're going to are doing the same thing. So just teaching the kids that other people are watching some of the same warning signs. Therefore, we're trying to limit the exposure that we're having on other people.
Low:
I have an odd question. Leslie, you have children as well. Is that what you said?
Bensieck:
I do, yes sir.
Low:
Yeah. What did you guys call? So, at our house, I don't know how this happened. We called it the virus. Is there a better way to put that to the younger kids? They were like, ‘we can't go out because of the virus.’ It sounds very 'end of world'. I didn't know. I've heard people say other things. I just was curious what you guys called it
Bensieck:
I think you got to know your kids. You got to know your environment. I don't know that there's a right way or wrong way. We went into it saying 'the virus' as well. And then I started seeing my four-year-old running around saying, ‘Oh, you got Corona, have you got Corona?’ And I was like, ‘Oh gosh, we can't use this. I can just imagine going to church and him asking for a Corona.’
I tried to sit him down and talk to him about it a little bit. And I was like, ‘Oh goodness, what has mommy done?’ But, he was sitting there while we were watching the news and things like that so, one of the things that my husband and I had to do is be aware of how much we were exposing the kids to everything because we had the news on 90% of the time while I'm cleaning the house or different things. And I was like, ‘wait, this is not good.’ Because again, that's exposing my kids to stuff they really don't need to worry about. You don't want to overexpose them to those things.
Welch:
Right, and depending on their age, you never know what they're thinking when they're seeing all these people wearing masks on the news and all of these things going on. So, you never know what they're going to think of that. So, the limited exposure is good.
Low:
When it comes to getting back into school, what's going to happen when they get back there? Is there going to be, I mean, I guess we can say ‘yes, there's going to be anxiety,’ but how's that going to manifest itself?
Welch:
Well, to start off and I'm sure that Leslie can add to this, but I think that when the children do go back to school, it's going to be different. There's going to be different ways they go about doing things as far as keeping distance and other things as far as hygiene that they're going to be incorporating. For a lot of the children, they left for spring break and then now they're not going back until the fall. So, I think we are going to see a huge increase in anxiety and things like that. But now is the time to prepare your children, teach them different coping skills, how to prepare them when they do go back to school and for the changes. Leslie might comment more on specific coping skills to help your child deal with that. But I think preparing now is important.
Low:
Leslie, Meghan put you on the spot so let's...
Bensieck:
I mean, there's a host of different coping skills. I truly believe in finding things that are individual to you, but some of the more general coping skills you can have is music and journaling and drawing and mindfulness exercises and deep breathing. I firmly believe in sports and those physical outlets, but just having your friends and family and having an open space where kids can talk about their feelings and talk about what's going on, I think is important.
Bensieck:
We can't shelter our kids from all of this. I think we talked about that a little bit earlier. We do have to talk about what's going to happen. I read an article the other day that said if the schools do require kids to wear mask, instead of waiting until August and being like, "okay, now you get to wear this mask for eight hours", go ahead and start exposing them to a little bit of it now. Put the mask on them for 20 to 30 minutes a day and start trying to build your way up. So that way, it's not a culture shock to having to wear that mask all day long.
Low:
That's a good idea, because I noticed the other day I was actually getting used to it. Whereas in the beginning it was awful. I was even trepidatious to even, because I thought people would make fun of me for wearing a mask even though everyone else was wearing a mask. That's kind of odd.
Bensieck:
One thing I did want to add is during all this, it is a time of uncertainty, but I cannot stress enough how important having a routine for kids and for ourselves as adults is. I've seen such an increase with anxiety and especially depression in people because they went through those times of just laying around the house, not having anything to do. So trying to talk to them about how to set up daily routines for ourselves, even if we don't have work or we don't have school, some normal general house routines that we can have around our own homes.
Welch:
Right, you have to make your own new routine that I always go through that with every single patient that comes in. What is your new routine? What are you doing differently that's causing you these problems and talk through that.
Low:
Yeah. Is that ... Go ahead, Leslie.
Bensieck:
No, go ahead. Say what you were going to say.
Low:
It's just interesting because we hear that all the time and I guess that that old adage of 'we're creatures of habit', there's a lot of weight to that. Those habits create routine. And when they're disrupted, we're disrupted. Is it that routine gives us focus? Why is routine so important?
Bensieck:
Well, in a lot of ways, it gives us a purpose for the day. It gives us something to do to where we feel like we're getting things done and we're being accomplished. I'm not saying that you got to get up and run a marathon or you got to reorganize your pantry every day, but let's get up and brush our teeth. Let's take a shower. Those daily skills that we do every day, sometimes we take advantage of.
Low:
Yeah. Those first things, it's easy to accomplish. You feel a sense of accomplishment. Like sweeping, it's easy. I love sweeping.
Welch:
Oh, not me.
Bensieck:
You can come to my house. I have a lot of stuff for you to sweep up.
Low:
I didn't say I do it a lot. Okay. So, as parents, we're all anxious and stressed and we're just as unhealthy as anybody else. So how is our stress and anxiety affecting these kids?
Welch:
So, if you're running around a bundle of nerves all the time, your children are going to see that. But if you react calm, cool, rational, your children are going to see that too. More often than not, children will mirror their parents’ reactions during stressful times. So that is important for parents to remember when talking to your children during these stressful times.
Bensieck:
I completely agree. As parents, we're teachers first. Our kids watch everything that we do. If we are struggling, then they see it. But if they see that we're taking care of ourselves, then they're going to know and even learn some new ways to take care of themselves, whether it be going outside and taking a walk or going and reading a book or going into journal some of your failings or whatever it may be. The kids are watching us do that, so we have to very much be aware of what we're doing first.
Low:
Yeah. Those are really great points. Kids are just highly empathetic. Are all kids born that way or is it a mimicry? Or am I getting too in depth?
Welch:
I think it could be both.
Low:
Yeah. Sorry. If you have kids, it's this constant whirlwind of thought, because you don't want to screw them up.
Welch:
Right. You have to really pay attention to what you're exposing them to, how you're reacting and what they see you do. You are their role model for sure.
Low:
It was around 25, I think that I started thinking back on all the things that my parents had told me and being like, "Whoa, that was actually right. I get it." And how they were reacting to things that I didn't understand at the time, but did get as an adult. I was like, "wow, that was a very intelligent, wise reaction." So yeah, it sticks with you for a long time.
Bensieck:
We're learning more and more that 'do as I say, not as I do' does not work. Our kids are doing things that, they're watching what we do and they're demonstrating some of the same skills, because they see you doing it. Well, if you can do it, why can't I?
Low:
Right. And actions speak louder than words.
Bensieck:
Absolutely.
Low:
Okay. You guys are awesome. And once again, thank you all. I'm a little too open with our audience because I just believe in being wide open.
Bensieck:
No I think it's good.
Low:
Thank you for bearing through all the technical stuff and hurdles and you guys are well worth it. This is really insightful. And I know that a lot of people are going to get some great, great tips from this. We'd love for you guys to come back and I promise you, Leslie, we will get somebody down there to help facilitate the studio next time. So where can some parents find more information about how to help their children and teens through all this?
Bensieck:
There are several developing resources online. You can look on YouTube, do a simple Google search. Right Track is always updating our Facebook page. We're always adding different resources and things that are helpful for families to use as well.
Low:
Great. And then one very loaded question to end on. At what point do parents need to seek professional help for their children?
Welch:
I would say when the symptoms the child is experiencing starts to interfere with their daily lives for several days in a row. When the mild worrying turns into excessive worrying or when the feeling of being on edge happens nearly every day.
Low:
Yeah, that's good. That's very good. Leslie, any thoughts?
Bensieck:
I agree. You know your kids. Meghan said this earlier, you know your kids better than anybody else. So if you start noticing any significant withdrawal issues or just like she said, a change in daily function, then that's a clear sign that something's going on that we may need to at least address a little farther.
Low:
That's awesome. Thank you guys so much. It's been wonderful having you. Great, great insight as I said before. Guys, if you have any questions about mental health that you'd like one of our providers to answer in a future episode, please email southoffine@righttrackmedical.com. And if you like more information about Right Track Medical or the South of Fine podcast, please visit righttrackmedical.com. I'm Rhes and I look forward to continuing this conversation with you guys in upcoming episodes of South of Fine. Leslie and Megan, thank you.
Welch:
Thank you.
Low:
Check you later. If you have questions about mental health and the COVID-19 pandemic that you'd like our providers to answer in a future episode, please email Southoffine@righttrackmedical.com. And if you'd like more information about Right Track Medical Group or the South of Fine podcast, please visit righttrackmedical.com. Thanks to our production team Kelly Hunsberger, Caitlyn Clegg, Carolyn Hughes, Aleka Battista, and Rhes Low. Special thanks to Squadcast for providing superior remote interview services.
If you have questions about mental health and the COVID-19 pandemic that you'd like our providers to answer in a future episode, please email southoffine@righttrackmedical.com. And if you'd like more information about Right Track Medical Group or the South of Fine podcast, please visit righttrackmedical.com. Thanks to our production team Kelley Hunsberger, Caitlyn Clegg, Carol Ann Hughes, Aleka Battista and Reese Lau. A special thanks to Squadcast for providing superior remote interview services.
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